for cindy

I wish I had said more. I wish I had told you what a beautiful son you made. How his goodness is contagious, in that just being around him makes you want to be more like him because he is guileless and kind and he sees the best in everyone including me, which is a real feat. He is salt and rock and he is good. 

I wish I had said thank you for letting me in to your family. You opened up to a stranger, witnessed your first born's marriage when we were sealed like a knot and you came along. Your tears, I know now, were of joy.

I wish I had said I'm sorry. Sorry for unkind words or feelings. Sorry for asking too much or too little or nothing at all. Sorry for closing when I should have opened. Sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry.

I wish I had said more to you every chance I had. I want to learn now, when it is too late. What he was like, what you were like. Because there was a lot of love there, wedged between you two and I want to know about that. 

I wish I had said nothing at all and just listened. 

I wish. I wish. I wish.