Scared

You guys, thank you so much for your excitement about my book. It means so much more than you even know. People say that I know, but I really mean it. It's terrifying to put something into the public that you worked so hard on. And I kind of want to talk about that, because it's something that I've thought extensively about since I started writing and decided to seek publication for Star of Deliverance.

I studied English in college. A lot of my friends and family members are what you might call book snobs. We love good literature. Not just the classics, but Ann Patchett and Barbara Kingsolver and Charles Frazier and the other modern greats. Many times as I was writing, I would imagine one of these friends cringing at something I wrote. Star isn't necessarily high brow. In fact, I wrote it with my 12 year old sister Callie in mind. She is a miniature me, and I wrote the book I would have loved to read as my 12, or 16, or 18 year old self. 

But if I'm being completely honest, I also wrote the book my current 25 year old self would love to read. I'm into books that are fun and thrilling as much as I am into the "good" literature. I like to get lost in a story. I like stories that make me want to be brave. I like romance and kissing. There. I said it.

I read Brene Brown's Daring Greatly right before I decided to submit Star for publication. I was on the fence, to be honest. Part of me was feeling like I just wrote it as a practice novel for books that would follow. "I learned how to write a novel," I kept telling myself and family members when they asked what was next. It was too vulnerable to wholly own this story. But she says in her book, and I'll never forget this,

“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”

— Brene Brown

I was terrified, but for all of the wrong reasons. I love my story. I love my characters. And I knew that while I would inevitably have those who rate it poorly on Amazon, or discuss it negatively behind my back, there would also be those who shared it with their friends, read it over and over, and gleaned some of their own courage from reading it. 

I wanted to connect. I wanted to stop being afraid.

So for those of you who are afraid to show your true self, are afraid to share your art, your talents with the world, are afraid of connecting with others in a public way, let me say that I understand. But don't let yourself live in fear. Because it's scary - so scary to put yourself out there. But the alternative is even worse. 

yes yes yes

“If you want to write, if you want to create, you must be the most sublime fool that God ever turned out and sent rambling.

You must write every single day of your life.

You must read dreadful dumb books and glorious books, and let them wrestle in beautiful fights inside your head, vulgar one moment, brilliant the next.

You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads.

I wish you a wrestling match with your Creative Muse that will last a lifetime.

I wish craziness and foolishness and madness upon you.

May you live with hysteria, and out of it make fine stories — science fiction or otherwise.

Which finally means, may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.” 

 - Ray Bradbury

The Secret of Darkwood Castle

My friend Heather Ostler just released the third installment of her ShapeShifter Series - The Secret of Darkwood Castle. I haven't finished my copy yet, but I when it arrived from Amazon I got so excited since I loved the first two books of the series so much - (The Shapeshifter's Secret, and The Siren's Secret.)

With these books, Heather has created a fantasy world that is completely original, and completely intriguing. A lot of people read her books for the romance and the action - which are so well done, but my favorite thing about the story are the deep and complicated familial ties. Julia has a complicated relationship with her father but even more so with her mother. I can't wait to see what Heather does with the third book!

One more thing about Heather - we actually grew up together - elementary through high school, but we never knew each other very well. She published her first book through Sweetwater (which is where I am publishing Star of Deliverance) and has been so helpful and supportive to me through this entire process. She's not only a brilliant writer, but a very good person - which goes a long way in my book. She's really as nice as she seems, and I am so grateful to her for her kindness!

Get your copy of The Secret of Darkwood Castle here 

Star of Deliverance

I've been sitting on this news since mid-December, and I finally got the permission to announce it. My book is getting published! (More details will be forthcoming, as well as some excerpts of the book.) 

I cried a lot when I found out it was accepted - almost every time I think about it I still get teary. Writing a book is such a consuming thing - emotionally and mentally. It took me the better part of two years and was so much drafting, editing, and re-writing. The story has changed so many times but each time I think it gets better. I can sincerely say that it is one of the best things I have ever done. It definitely has a huge piece of my heart and I can't wait to share it with the world, even though I am incredibly intimidated. It is so hard to put this piece of yourself into the hands of strangers, knowing they may hate it, but the thought of people reading and connecting with it trumps the fear. 

You can pre-order it now on Amazon here. (!) Or you can wait for the official launch which is September 9th. 

Thanks to all of those who have supported me, read drafts, listened to me cry, and most of all believed that I could do it. This is your book, as much as it is mine because I never could have done it alone. 

the student's wife

My husband sits at the table now,

His books in his lap and on the surface

And on the floor near his feet.

He scribbles and then stops,

He shuts his eyes and opens them,

His brown pupils dance.

I watch from the door,

Imagining the wheels of his mind

Whipping like a factory – sweatshop.

People ask me if medical school is hard.

“It’s not me doing it,” I tell them,

“Don’t ask me.”

But I know, even if I don’t say it.

The long nights that stretch to early mornings,

The tired eyes that only rarely dance now.

He looks up as I enter.

“How are you?” he asks, not knowing I was watching him

and for a moment I can’t speak.

There is a lump in my throat,

Always there whether I push it aside or not.

A lump that is synonymous with love.

“Good,” I force, but I want to say more.

I am tired, I am lonely, I am bored.

I am proud. Oh my God I am so proud. 

#prayforcindy

For my family and friends who don't know, the past week has been a hard one. Last Friday around 8:00 pm, my mother in law Cindy fell off an unfinished deck onto cement. She fractured her skull and was rushed into emergency surgery, where they removed two blood clots and a part of her skull. Two days later they found another clot and took her in again. She is currently in a coma, and has been since the accident. They expect her brain to continue to swell up to eight days after the accident, so we are nearing the most uncertain part. Because every brain injury is different, we do not know anything definite - when she will wake up, if she will wake up, how extensive her damage will be, etc. 

While she was in surgery, my sister in law Julie went into labor, and delivered her beautiful baby Connor. It was a stressful labor since she had just learned about her mother, and the baby ended up being delivered via emergency C-section because of her distress. Fortunately, Julie and the baby are doing well. He has been the brightest part of this whole experience - everyone's happy place. 

It's been one of the hardest weeks any of us have been through. Not knowing if we should grieve or hope, say our goodbyes or plan for the future is maybe the roughest part. Each time I kneel to pray I feel overwhelmed for the many different people who need prayers, each with individual needs and fears and situations. But through it all, the family has gleaned support from each other. Never before have we come together like this.

My dad sent me this poem by Hayden Carruth a few days before the accident, incidentally. Carruth writes it knowing he is going to die. (The entire poem is worth reading, here is just a portion.) He writes;

So often it has been displayed to us, the hourglass
with its grains of sand drifting down,
not as an object in our world
but as a sign, a symbol, our lives
drifting down grain by grain,
sifting away — I'm sure everyone must
see this emblem somewhere in the mind.
Yet not only our lives drift down. The stuff
of ego with which we began, the mass
in the upper chamber, filters away
as love accumulates below. Now 
I am almost entirely love.

That last line has been reverberating inside of me all week. "Now I am almost entirely love." Cindy is entirely love. She loved so deeply, the best way she knew how. I hope so much that by the time I go, I will be able to say that I am mostly love now - my ego, my pride, the worldly desires diminished to nothing, with just love left. 

We have faith that she will pull through, even though we know there may be years of therapy and rehab, but we also recognize that she may not make it and the not knowing seems to be the hardest part. 

If you feel so inclined, please pray for Cindy and for her family. Thank you to my family and friends who have been so supportive. I love all of you. You'll never know what it means fully, but I will never forget.

on having a baby

 I thought it would feel more foreign than it does, the realization that there are two sets of bones and muscles and two hearts inside my one body that until 22 weeks ago, I occupied alone. But it's not foreign, and I suppose that is the most surprising part of being pregnant. The fact that it's really not strange, it's not strange at all. 

The sickness is not something to laugh about, though it's portrayed that way in sitcoms and internet memes. You deal with it - you put on a brave face, you hide almost, for months until it subsides. And nothing - no food or medicine will help. Just time. The small things, like a fever or a headache are magnified. The cold is is colder and the hot hotter, and the sweet sweeter. And it's all for this little stranger you're harboring. A stranger that you know will become your best friend someday, because your mom is your best friend, and if you play your cards right maybe you'll be half as good as she was? Or at least that's the prayer. My prayer.

I get a weekly email update on the status of the baby which yes, is a girl. I had no idea, but a baby girl is born with all of the eggs she will ever have. Which means, (at the risk of sounding weird) that she is basically equipped to become a mother herself someday from the moment she is born. That might be obvious to most people, but it had never crossed my mind. I know a lot of women feel trapped in a role because of their gender. I have felt it myself at times. The inequality, the unfairness of it all. Men get things we don't. It's a tough pill to swallow. But discovering this fact about her body was a revelation. Because if she is born with those traits, then that means I was born with those traits too. Carrying around inside of me this power that I never really considered until I did. No matter how inexperienced or inadequate I may feel. No matter how shallow and immature I am at times, it's a gift. A terribly complex and painful and heartbreakingly sweet gift. 

It's still me in there too. I never wanted to lose myself. But if we're being honest, through this whole experience I haven't felt really like I'm losing anything. I'd take the weight and the nausea and the fatigue. Because I get her out of it. And I get to find new pieces of myself too. Pieces that I guess were always there but that I didn't know existed. I can't even imagine how complete it will feel once she's actually here.

There's a lot of negativity out there about children and pregnancy and I bought into it for a long time. But don't let yourself be fooled like I was. Because it's a miracle. Every day. 

Costa Rica

I think I've mentioned before that my husband Kevin, (better known as Kev, Kevi and Sunny) is a second year medical student. Which is the worst year of the worst program on earth. And yeah, I'm a little dramatic about it. He does the best he can, but in reality, I rarely see him. He goes to bed at 8 pm, is up at 4 am and is gone until about 6:30. He felt bad about neglecting me all year, so he planned this trip as a complete surprise during his spring break. I knew we were going somewhere of course. I had to take work off among other things, but I had no idea where we were going exactly until the night before.

Costa Rica was a dream. I was a little hesitant when I found out we were going to Central America since we went to Peru two Thanksgiving's ago and I was not quite ready to return. But Costa Rica was so easy compared to Peru - which is a really good thing since I was 12 weeks pregnant at the time and majorly nauseous. The people are amazing, it is easy to navigate in English (although Kev's Spanish did help) and it felt safe and clean.

We went to a national park and saw some awesome animals, took a couple boat rides, and even went to Nicaragua one day and visited an active volcano. We took a couple hikes, swam, and Kevin took a private snorkeling tour while I read. (Such a dream.) Overall, Costa Rica is such a gorgeous place. We both decided we aren't done - there is so much we weren't able to do, mostly because of my pregnancy. (i.e. zip lining, surfing, white water rafting, etc.) so we'll definitely have to go back. Such fond memories of Costa Rica! 

P.s. Kev has since cut his hair. I miss it a lot.

stories

I'm attempting to type this with only two fingers of my left hand. The ring finger I cut the entire tip off of while chopping a bell pepper on Thursday. Today, I sliced the middle and index so badly my student doctor husband considered putting in stitches. I want to scream to the universe, "I'M AN ADULT!" Kevin also told me my hands look like the scary guy in Home Alone. Real nice. In other news, I'm considering a knife safety course.

I'm reading Mink River by Brian Doyle right now. I got it for my dad for Christmas because we both read Grace Notes earlier this year and were stung by the brilliance of Doyle's words. He says in that book, that without stories we are just mammals with weapons. And I've thought a lot about that, as I've made a conscious effort to step away from the screens of my phone and television and computer, and read more, and call my sisters more, and pray. I think about stories.

I started my last blog as an effort to tell my stories (angsty heartbreak) but it stopped being about the stories and I lost the sincerity in my words and I needed a long break to figure out what my stories are and what they mean in a larger sense and why I want to tell them in the first place.  

I re-read all of the Harry Potter books during my first trimester of pregnancy. I was so sick I could barely drag myself from my bed to the toilet to vomit and then back to the couch or bed for months. But that story and those books kept me occupied and hopeful. And I thought that maybe if I liked to read other stories of courage and faith and stupidity and love that maybe I should share my own a little more even if it doesn't dent the universe.

And I guess that's my way of saying that I am ready to speak again. Whether or not there is anyone left to listen.

18 weeks

It's been 18 - almost 19 weeks since I've had a little baby inside of me. For about 12 of those weeks I was so sick I could barely keep anything down or sit up for extended periods of time, but around 16, those feelings subsided for the most part, which has been such a gift. Props to all of those moms out there. Morning sickness (who are we kidding? All day and night sickness) is no joke.

Last week we went into the doctor excited to find out the gender of the baby. I know it's cool to wait these days, but we are way too impatient to wait 9 months. Unfortunately, the cord was in the way so the doctor told us he was 80% sure of one gender, but wouldn't give us a direct answer. We have another appointment next week where he'll check again and then I'll share with all of you.

It's kind of funny - I never felt like I really had a lot of innate maternal instinct. So many of my peers seemed to be so much more confident than I was when it came to their relationship with kids and their ability to bear children. But as soon as I knew this baby was mine, I felt this urgent love and defensive instinct. It's already been one of the hardest, most emotional experience of my life (how do women do this more than once?) but also the most empowering and fulfilling. I'm going to be somebody's mom. Those words bring a smile to my face every time.

I know this isn't earth-shattering news to anyone, and I don't expect it to be. I mean, everyone has kids. But it's kind of earth-shattering to us. September 2nd can't come soon enough.

Memorizing poems

For some reason, I've always been a memorizer. It comes easily to me, which is why subjects such as spelling and history were always my best. I can memorize nearly anything, if given enough time. It's concepts that involve steps that I struggle with. (Math + Science. Oy, those years of chemistry and algebra were a joke. Good thing I married a future doctor so he can help our poor future children with those subjects.)

I work from home, and I spend most of my days alone. I was figuring out what I could do to fill my life with more beauty the day before a business trip to Seattle. I brought along Mary Oliver's "Thirst" collection and read over her poems on the flight. It was then that I decided to memorize a poem. But not just any poem, specifically her poem, "Walking Home From Oak Head." 

I started that night in my hotel room just with one stanza. It was hard. "There is something about the snow-laden sky in winter in the late afternoon..." I repeated until I fell asleep. In the morning I added the next stanza. In about a week, I had the entire poem memorized, and still get the chills when I recite the last line, "my shoulders covered with stars."

I enjoyed memorizing it (and having memorized it so much) that I started again with another poem. I'm almost up to five now. I've found the best time to learn a new stanza is right before my morning shower. It may seem strange, but it's something I do every day (ahem try to do) and so it gives me a consistent time to do it. I also find it strangely soothing, repeating these beautiful words while the water pools around my feet.

Here are the poems I've memorized so far. (Currently I am working on Richard Wilbur's The Writer.

Walking Home from Oak Head - Mary Oliver

Courage - Anne Sexton

The Quiet World - Jeffrey McDaniel

Wild Geese - Mary Oliver

Am I the only one that does this? Which poems should I add to my list? I'm definitely thinking I need some Lisel Mueller and Robert Frost.

image via 

Married

Sometimes I forget I'm married. Which isn't to say that I forget about Sunny. I just forget that I'm a married woman - someone who has already made the biggest commitment of her life and sealed the deal legally and lives with a man. I just get so busy with me and he gets so busy with he and we're doing it together in a sense of course, but we are doing it together on our own.

But then other times I remember in strange ways. I am out with my girlfriends at Sprinkles and I wonder if Kevin would like a cupcake. (The answer is yes.) I am watching a little boy run around the park with wild hair and for a moment it is him. I am on a plane and the man next to me is snoring and all I wish is that he was there too so we could laugh together and he could fall asleep with his arm draped around my neck and join the snoring man.

It's not as hard as I thought it would be, but it's just as rewarding. It's not as life-changing as I thought it would be because I am still the same me I always was but somehow it manages to make everything else in my life matter a little bit more.

And maybe that's what marriage does for all of us. It makes life which is already deep and wide and short and flawed, a little richer. It is the salt. And I'm lucky to have it.

Peace Like a River

“My sister, Swede, who often sees to the nub, offered this: People fear miracles because they fear being changed--though ignoring them will change you also. Swede said another thing, too, and it rang in me like a bell: No miracle happens without a witness. Someone to declare, Here's what I saw. Here's how it went. Make of it what you will.” 
― Leif Enger

You know when you finished a book and you're not sure where to start from there? I don't mean just moving on to your next book and deciding what to read next. I mean picking up and continuing with the rest of your life like you are the same person you were before you read it.

Peace Like a River was that book for me. It follows Rueben, a kid whose brother is an outlaw - on the run from the feds. He and his Saint-worthy dad and his sister Swede (maybe my favorite fictional character since Hermione Granger) trek across the country to find him. And there's this one scene in the cafeteria that touched me in the saddest most heart-wrenching way and that's all I will say about that, but if we talk about it in person I might cry.

It is a story of heroism and faith and miracles. There is one part that says so simply and nonchalantly, "We armored our hearts." And I've been thinking a lot about that phrase ever since. Is that not the best definition we have of courage? We step into the unknown and we gear up and we face the hard things and the disasters and the pain life throws at us. We armor our hearts when we are vulnerable. We armor our hearts when we try something new. We armor our hearts when we allow ourselves to dream.

Peace Like a River was a story of sacrifice and family. It's my new go-to when people ask me what to read. (Along with my old faves like The PoisonWood Bible and My Antonia.) Read it if you are lacking some faith. It will cure that right up.

Maui

I swear this blog is becoming less about writing and more about our sporadic travels. I'm hoping that will change soon - I miss blogging and the community even though my break to write my book was great. I'm still writing but hoping to come here a little more often.

Me and Kev went to Maui last week just the two of us. He finished his first trimester of second year (a huge deal since second year is the hardest of med school) and was fried by the end. Maui was the perfect place to unwind and reconnect and sleep. Mostly sleep.

We went snorkeling, canoeing, swimming every day, read, slept, worked out, and mostly slept and ate a lot. It was everything we don't usually do on vacation - relax. Traveling is expensive and hard to plan and the actual flights and packing aren't fun but it's always worth it. If we don't have a trip planned I get stressed out.

Here are a few pictures if you'd like to see. Kevin got an underwater camera for his birthday last year. (His dream besides being a doctor is to be an underwater photographer. Serious.) I think it's adorable so was so excited he got some great underwater shots. He also took a yoga class with me and I'll always love him for that. He'd kill me if he knew I was posting this but come on - his Warrior II is spot on.

  

Drew and Lacey

So my sister Lacey and her husband Drew moved to Nashville six years ago as newlyweds. There was nothing for them there but a dream and they followed it and are still chasing that dream even now. They write their own music spending hours getting the lyrics, the chords, the sound just right. They network in the music scene, taking turns watching their beautiful girls so the other can go to shows and meet the right people. They play music until late in the evenings the nights they aren't out and even started a project for those hours: The After Bedtime Sessions which I think is beautiful because it shows that they are parents first and when the kids are asleep, they keep working. 

They're also like, the coolest people ever. They have an entire bedroom dedicated to their instrument collection (they each play like 6+), Drew has his PHD in education, they just got a dog named King George, and they regularly hang out with famous people like it's NBD. Their girls are hardcore hikers and kayakers since that's what they do on weekends, and Lacey is the most easy going, carefree mom. 

I've never really done this before, and my sister didn't ask me to or anything but I just feel like with this online community, we need to help each other live our dreams. They just put together a Kickstarter to fund their next album. It can get expensive, and on one salary it's tough to make it happen. If you like folk or country music, or even if you don't - please consider donating. Their incentives are great - posters, CD's, T-shirts (which I live in) and more for donating certain amounts. It doesn't have to be a lot. I guess I'm just a sucker for people who follow their dreams.

Thanks Friends. Click here to see what their project is all about.

France

We decided to extend our trip a little longer and spent four days in Paris. We got the Paris museum pass which I highly recommend and got lost in the Louvre, Musee d'Orsay, Rodin (my favorite!) and L'Orangerie. We also went to Versailles for one day and rode bikes and picnicked through the gardens. Luxembourg Gardens were phenomenal as well, and we felt like the line to get to the top of Notre Dame was worth it for the gargoyles. My sister Melissa went to Paris for a week in the spring and had so many good recommendations for us.

The food was nothing compared to Italy (we must have hit the wrong places) but the atmosphere and the weather and the beauty of the city made up for it. At one point I asked Kevin if he was wearing cologne. We were walking through Jardin des Tuileries and he said, "No -  It's just the city of Paris."

Bike rides and picnics through Versailles

Our farewell view of Champs Elysees from the Arc de Triomphe

Four days wasn't long enough. I'm already planning our next trip back.

Italy

It was my dream to go to Italy. I studied it for four semesters at BYU, and was supposed to go on a study abroad that ended up being cancelled. I met Kevin that summer instead so I was cool with it, but I still dreamt about it, and started saving up for it since we got married. Kevin had his entire summer off and he spent most of the summer planning my dream trip for our third anniversary. We spent 9 days there, and already I'm dreaming about going back.

We started the trip off with 3 days in Rome. It was hot in August! We didn't expect it to be that hot. We started with the Colosseum, went to the Vatican, the Pantheon, Spanish Steps, etc. It was noisy and touristy and probably my least favorite city in Italy. Still, you can't go to Italy and not go to Rome.

 (P.s. my straightener blew up the first night there which was awesome. Please excuse my horrible hair in pretty much every picture.)

Next we went to Florence. Besides getting almost assaulted by a Gypsy woman for not giving her money (all Kevin had was a 20 euro bill) it was nice. We went to the Duomo which was way cooler from the outside than inside, and we toured the Academia. The David was so impressive - I couldn't believe how well-preserved it was. I'm not sure why, but we didn't take many pictures in Florence.

We spent our actual anniversary at Cinque Terre - a 2 hour bus ride from Florence through Tuscany. Cinque Terre was maybe my favorite day we had. It literally translates to 5 cities, all of which are built right on the sea, connected by trails. We hiked from town to town and took a couple of trains. It doesn't seem like an obvious thing to do, but if anyone is going to Italy - please do not miss Cinque Terre. It was dreamy. 

We went to Venice next. I asked a lot of people what to see in Venice, because it didn't seem like there was much to do there from everything we read in guidebooks. Everyone said, "You go to Venice to see Venice." They were right. The view was so gorgeous, we spent hours just sitting on a bench at the canal and looking. One of the days we were there, we took a boat to Murano and toured a glass blowing factory. It was so crazy. These guys spend 25 years training to become a "Master" glass blower. Their creations were stunning. I brought home a tiny whale, since we couldn't afford anything bigger. Someday I'd love to buy a chandelier or larger sculpture there. 

One night we were there, we ordered Spaghetti and Lasagna in a cafe with twinkly lights right on the water. I can't describe the feeling I had that night. It was like this floating joy. I never wanted to be anywhere else or do anything else for the rest of my life. I think heaven must be something like that night in Venice. 

We finished our stay in Italy in Milan. Kevin told the manager it was our anniversary (at every hotel we we stayed at :) but only our hotel in Milan upgraded us to a suite. It was hard to leave our room.  We went to the chapel that houses The Last Supper one day. Out of all of the museums we went to, it was my favorite art experience. Just 15 minutes, about 20 people, and one painting. Truly, less is more. I loved being able to just enjoy that masterpiece without worrying about what else I was missing, or being jostled by tourists.  We also stumbled into mass on Sunday morning at the Duomo and the vocalists were incredible.  I'd like to spend more time in Milan in the future. 2 days wasn't long enough.

Italy was everything. The pizza, the gelato, the charm, the gelato. Thanks Kev, for planning a trip I will never forget. 

San Fran

Kevin and I decided we want to visit a new place in the U.S. every year. This year it was San Francisco! We went a couple weeks ago with Julie and DJ. We spent five days there, doing mostly touristy things but all fell in love with the place. Even though it was a little cold for us Phoenix people, we decided we could totally live there. 

Our first night in the hotel, the fire alarm went off at midnight for a full hour. Something was wrong with it and they made an announcement for us not to evacuate. Honestly, it was one of the most annoying moments of my life, just sitting there, so tired with that blaring alarm going off. Kevin rigged a contraption with blankets and the ironing board to dull it and it helped a little, but not enough. They ended up refunding our night there which was nice, but throughout the trip it kept going off in the middle of the night, just never as long as the first time. We can definitely laugh about it now but at the time it was NOT funny. I need my sleep :)

Highlights of the trip include:

• Crepes on the pier
• Giordano Bros - Cheap and amazing sandwiches
• De Young Museum
• Aquarium on the Wharf
• California Academy of Science
• Giants Game - (Best stadium food ever!)
• Boat tour of the Golden Gate Bridge/Alcatraz
• Spotting dolphins beneath the GG Bridge
• Lots of crazies on the bus. One guy repeatedly tried to give me his drivers license, telling me that if I wanted it I could have it. ?
• Hearts every night with Trader Joes treats
• Chai Yo Thai two nights in a row - Thanks to Kristen for her recommendations here
• Ghirardelli Square - Super overpriced but the smell alone is worth going for
• Talks with Julie about anything and everything on our long walks
• Lands End Hike - My favorite thing we did

Gorgeous gallery wall in our hotel lobby

I had to sneak a picture at the De Young museum of this gorgeous painting because it reminds me of my sisters.

Lands End Hike

Housekeeping

“Families will not be broken. Curse and expel them, send their children wandering, drown them in floods and fires, and old women will make songs of all these sorrows and sit on the porch and sing them on mild evenings.”

“Need can blossom into all the compensations it requires. To crave and to have are as like as a thing and its shadow. For when does a berry break upon the tongue as sweetly as when one longs to taste it, and when is the taste refracted into so many hues and savors of ripeness and earth, and when do our senses know any thing so utterly as when we lack it?” 

"Because, once alone, it is impossible to believe that one could ever have been otherwise. Loneliness is an absolute discovery."

I just finished Marilyne Robinson's Housekeeping. It left me feeling sad and wise and aching for the past. One of those books where you don't read for a week after because you want to keep the feelings you had when you were reading this one. To read another would taint it almost, or erase  the piece of your heart that carried this one inside it.

p.s. Thanks for your interest in the Pen Pal Project. I have already written my Pen Pal and have matched up several more partners. If you are interested, feel free to email me still and I'll find someone for you.

Pen Pal

A year and a half ago (roughly) I started a book club. They still meet every month, and it has become such a great group of girls. I've come to love each one of them and look forward so much to meeting them on my visits to Utah. It was a funny thing to do at the time, but I am so happy I put myself out there and made it happen. I have a similar strange request project now, but it's something I have wanted to do for awhile, and think it's time to make it happen.

I'm looking for a Pen Pal. Someone who wants to write letters - hand written back and forth, a few times a month. I'd prefer it to be someone I don't know in person, but if you are really interested and I know you, I'm willing to entertain the idea. I am looking for a kindred spirit - and I think if you know what that means you are perfect for the project.

I'd like to write letters  about everything - our feelings, our daily lives, but also books we love, quotes we found, snippets of inspiration we have discovered. In this way I hope to be more aware of the beauty I see, and express myself in a new medium.

I realize this is a strange thing (and I guarantee my sisters will make fun of me) but I want to be able to write letters to someone who I don't see or talk to all the time as a form of exercise in life, and also friendship.

If you are interested, send me an email - mandy(.)madson(@)gmail(.)com, and comment below.  And since I can't write to everyone, for anyone else who is interested, I'll set you up with another Pen Pal who wants to do the same. 

Thanks for humoring me. 

P.s. if you want to join the book club, it's not too late. Let me know and I'll hook you up with someone in the club.

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